god is the lottery
i spend money like it’s bleeding from my chest whole skin is a
luxury we can’t afford
tell the sidewalk where you hid that dime inside i was
poor i was happy i was
ashamed and iused to tell people i was poor like it was a
badge of honor and i
held back tears at the financial aid desk and my body is held
together by duct tape and grit
my body is a hand me down and i found my mom crying in the
bathroom like
she was lost in prayer like the bathroom floor was the face
of god
and god is the lottery and god is not having to worry
about food and god is not
taking the bus to school and god is buying whatever i
want god is full price
brand new shoes and god is the inside of your mouth
god is wings
(oh the things i could do if i could just grow some fucking
wings-)
hands in my pockets full of dead sweat in my mouth tastes
like
empty bellies and god is hot knife and a swagger in your step
like your
body never learned to make itself shrink because poor
means you learn to save space-
wholeness is a luxury we can’t afford
god is soup.
god is delirium in a worn out dress god found me in the
goodwill changing room
women’s shirt with ruffles, makes me pretty boy finding
my way out feeling my way out
god speaks and lettuce spills out of her teeth into your lap-
hey there’s dinner, thanks god-
heat flash stubborn miracle on the soles of my feet blanketed in
the face of god, grubby god, tender little beautiful god
and god is the lottery and god is the lottery and god is
the lottery
and god is my ticket out
fargo tbakhi is a palestinian american performer and writer in phoenix, arizona. his work has been published in spy kids review, maudlin house, and ghost city review. he is a middle and high school speech coach, the producer and host of the encyclopedia show az, and tweets @youknowfargo.
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