“I’m Afraid I Let It Bloom” By: Azia DuPont


I grew up in a white skinned bubble
I grew up breasts cupped in a white man’s hands
I grew up and the bubble stopped feeling safe
I’m still realizing the bubble was never actually safe
I was always made to feel sexy always sexy
Even in kindergarten
Patrick saw me and thought Let’s take five year old girl into shower
Show her a man

But Sarah said You don’t know what it’s like to be pretty
To have the men always stare

I have to tell you that too much time alone makes my heart
Disconnect from my body—
Nothing feels right
Not enough time alone makes my brain
Disconnect from my body—
Nothing works right
I’ve been walking this fine line
Since Satan pushed his hands between my legs
And told me I had to like it
I thought Something must be wrong with you
You’re supposed to like it.

I thought Something must be right with this
If I’m supposed to like it.

Never did I trust myself
And the way my stomach crouched into my throat
Instinctually screaming NO!
When the seed of doubt burrowed itself into my palms
I opened my palms to the sky
and let it bloom.

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