“Dick and Jane” By: Amasa Guy Larkins

Dick Albright was hung each day in junior high P.E., not by the neck, but from the crotch to the knees, at least. Dick is a nickname, diminutive, but Dick was not diminished. His size owned the room, as Boaz Boar owns the trough, cowing my cattle into sullen deference. Boar strolls casually, grunting the animals from the feed: first the big steer, then the heifer, then the smaller bull. Each steps back, awed, displays nothing with which to challenge Pig. So Dick strolled the lockers, naked, calm, showing his strength, no one making eye contact, but the little boys could not help glancing sideways at the gifted Albright, endowed like a man. Those boys, smooth face, smooth skin, with flaccid penis difficult to find inside the fly, were embarrassed, knowing it was hopeless, knowing their dicks would always be a nickname.
The naked, proud display of short Dick Albright’s carnal gift has no counter among young girls dressing in ninth-grade gym. Mary Jane, a well-endowed, too-soon a woman, as Dick a too-soon man, would not strut the aisle from locker to shower, showing to all her perfect tits and ass and thighs and over-growing thatch of pubic hair. Sanctions of female culture enforced modesty. School rules said that girls must shower after gym, young ladies must not stink, but if Miss Call was off her guard, girls skipped water, endured the sweat, rushed out of shorts and into skirts, and avoided showing flesh to other girls. If Miss Call’s glare forced girls to bathe, bodies were wrapped in towels from chin to knees to make the passage to the shower proper. Once dressed, breasts now covered by bra, slip, and sweater, Jane and her peers tantalized sex-hungry boys, showing them the form males sought, while with-holding substance.
Naïve boys thought that girls dressed sharp to show their assets. Perhaps some did, but girls dressed for each other. Girls bullied girls by flaunting brand-name, style and price, not size of body parts.
The worst insult to a boy:

He’s a pussy.
To a girl:

She has two dresses.

Her mother makes her clothes.

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