yep still trans
After the sixth time being called ma’am I feel
like maybe I’ll inwardly collapse
I wrestle with a perceived satisfaction
shake my head, and the engine turns over.
I feel fearful that this is the time in the men’s
bathroom that I’ll be chased out by bushy brows
My heart is a pebble rustling in a tin can
I pass a twelve year old on my way out.
My binder is way too tight and I don’t even
really have tits, actually I never have
Holding my breath has become third nature
my chest is flat, yet I’m still tired.
“She – I mean he-”, at least you have the
decency to look a little guilty
Probably, definitely not as much as I do
maybe next time I’ll say sorry for existing.
The pharmacy is out of 18 gauge needles
and besides my doctor told me no
I buy some at a different Walgreen’s
they inject me the following Sunday.
My mother feels triumphant that her sister
finally stopped using my dead name
I don’t have the heart to tell her that
they are all wrong and always will be.
S. Liam Veit is a nonbinary poet.